Saturday, 1 December 2018
I don't know how many days have passed since I saw her the last time. My mind was so stressed that I had to grab a cigarette. I looked at it and but then my eyes fell on a “No Smoking” signboard, the words written on it instantly dragged me to the day when I first saw her.
It was a boring rainy morning, I was waiting for my friend at the bus stop in my tee and tracks. Temperature was going down and i had started to shiver.
I quickly took out a cigarette from my pocket, lit it and took a deep puff. That was a pleasant feeling, now I didn't feel either cold or stressed. As I was lost in that beautiful moment someone tapped me on my shoulder, I turned back to see who was it and it was her.
She was staring at me with her big eyes, “don’t you know that smoking at public place is prohibited” she said out of anger. “No” i smiled and took another puff.
“what the…?” saying she took the cigarette and thrown it down and crushed it, instead of getting angry I just smiled, which increased her anger. “who do you think you are….” She started lecturing me.
Her dark eyebrows, black eyes, soft nose, and immense cuteness, her hair long and silky which were left loose. I slowly drowned into the world of happiness, i could have felt the butterflies tickling in my tummy.
From that day, I used to continuously cross her path, not without efforts of course. She became some kind of an addiction, just looking at her was enough for me at that moment.
Days were passing and my feelings for her were getting deeper, but i didn’t have the courage to talk to her. I was OK with it, as I knew that i would never get her. So it was better to stay away.
Today, I was going through immense stress and frustration because of her absence, I finally decided to smoke at any cost. I took the lighter out and was about to light the cigarette and I saw her again. I quickly hid the cigarette and lighter back in my pocket and started to act normally. But today she didn’t even look at me and it was killing me. The pain of her ignorance was more than the joy of seeing her after such a long time. “You can do it” after saying to myself a 1000 times I stepped forward to talk to her. Then a man came into the picture and kept his right hand on her shoulder while talking on his mobile phone that he held with his left hand.
I went near them with a rage to knock him down, then i heard him saying “Yeah I’m at the bus stop with my wife, we will be there”, those words made the ground slip beneath my feet.
How was I able to quit smoking? A person who used to smoke 2 dozens a day. The Pain of losing her kills me every second and I can’t do anything about it, other than accepting the pain. But whenever my hands reach to the cigarettes, I hear her voice, her gentle request to quit smoking and I couldn't just do it, anymore.